Seeing Clearly: A Story of Vanity, Fear and Trust

While editing a Beyond Quantum Healing (BQH) session recording video: “The Witch · The Men · The Eyes” in which my client’s Higher Self provided healing and guidance for her eyesight, I reminisced about what I had put my eyes through and how my eyesight was corrected. It was not through any spiritual mean but unromantically by LASIK eye surgery, but it ended up being one of my most cherish spiritual lessons ever, and possibly the only time when I wasn’t scared or nervous while I was expected to.

I never asked my Higher Self why I was short sighted because I didn’t know of Their existence then. I had a strong inkling though. You see, as a child, I used to wish to know how things feel like. When my brother started having leg cramps, I asked and I wondered till I got one myself. I did the same when my brother started wearing glasses. I tried to figure out by wearing his glasses – by reverse engineering you know – but still, my curiosity wasn’t satisfied until uh-oh, the whole world became a blur.

The blurry world crushed down on me and I delayed telling my mum about it as much as possible: she had warned me not to ‘smell’ my books and that wearing glasses would take away my only facial features that were not ugly, my eyes, and that I would be ugly for life because there was no cure for poor eyesight.

Having never doubted my mum at that point of my life and I started hiding myself, because the worst part about being ugly would be being called ugly and to be shamed openly. 

I experienced my first miracle moment when a cousin told me about contact lenses and she even took me to her optometrist. If I had known about angels back then, I would have thought my cousin one of them. I received my first pair of contact lenses as my saviour when I was 16.

All was well but it wasn’t, not really. Not when I became a flight attendant, and especially not when I started dating across continents and I could be wearing my contact lenses for way longer than the recommended duration. But once I had a chance to say goodbye to my glasses, I really didn’t want to wear them again. Oh, vanity! In my case, it felt like survival.

One day when I was going to work, I noticed passers-by staring at me. I took out my compact and I stared too, my eyes had turned bright red!  I panicked. Now I was worse than ugly, I was a freak. The strange thing was, my eyes weren’t hurting. I didn’t know what was going on. And maybe my eyes were bleeding out and they would die soon and I would be blind. And I knew I had brought this fate on all by myself because of my vanity.

The doctor I went to said it wasn’t anything serious, just conjunctivitis. I told him my eyes were completely red, not just pink, and I had no other symptoms such as itchiness and so it couldn’t be conjunctivitis. He said sternly, ‘Are you the doctor or am I the doctor?’

I did all the medicine things and my eyes returned to normal. Phew. I put on my precious contact lenses again and my eyes turned bright red within the hour. I went back to the older man with an expert card.   

‘So… it is not conjunctivitis…’ The doctor hesitated. I could see him sweating. He sent me to a proper eye doctor.

The proper eye doctor saw in his machine that my corneas had many scratches. He deduced that they would recover simply by resting from contact lenses. I asked him when it was okay for me to wear them. He recommended that I never wore them again. He meant the end of the world had come for me.  I cried. I called my best friend. She said, ‘What about LASIK?’

I booked an appointment for a LASIK consultation right there outside the proper eye doctor’s office. While waiting for the appointment, I had no choice but to wear glasses to work. I convinced myself that it was unsafe to be wearing glasses, that in an emergency situation, I would lose them and someone would step on them and I would be searching for them everywhere and people would run over me and I would be trampled to death.

There was a compulsory LASIK seminar for people who wanted the procedure.  Someone asked the expert doctor why he wore glasses. I think some people there wanted to find faults because an eye surgery seemed scary and I agreed. The expert doctor said because after the surgery, the eyes would make some adjustments on their own. Since they could not accurately predict how much the eyes would adjust, they could not guarantee perfect vision. The expert doctor said he needed perfect vision for performing this procedure and glasses could give him that. It was an interesting answer because it never occurred to me that wearing glasses had any merits.

While writing this last paragraph, I realised I had always seen glasses as a death sentence and not as the greatest tool they were for me to enjoy the world with the beautiful gift of sight.

The surgery was the most fascinating experience. See if you are able to not flinch while I describe it to you: First, they put some drops in my eyes to numb them. Then they inserted some cold and hard instruments to keep my eyes wide open. I was instructed to look at the lights in the ceiling. There were little green and red lights. Sometimes they told me to look at the green lights and sometimes the red. It wasn’t easy for me because whatever they were doing was so fascinating but I must not focus on anything but those lights. It was the coolest thing to have a surgical blade right there on my eyeballs. I felt no pain, of course, but I did feel the pressure as the life-saving expert doctor was cutting.

The most fascinating part was when they took away the corneal flaps. Now there was nothing, no pictures, in this big hole where the round flaps were. The holes were not completely black though. They resembled a television screen without signal, sort of black and dark grey. I could still see through the thin ring around the hole. It was very weird.

It was even weirder when they brought the corneal flap back. All of a sudden, I could see again. And very clearly, too!

They wrapped my eyes but before they sent me off to the waiting room, the expert doctor asked me, ‘Can you please tell me: were you nervous at all?’

‘No, I was not nervous at all.’ I told him.

‘Please tell me how. All my patients are so nervous. It makes the procedure so much simpler if they are calm like you were.’

“You don’t operate when you don’t think it can be a success. So when you told me you would perform the surgery for me, I knew it would be a success. I was not nervous. I was fascinated. It was the most amazing experience ever.”

Plus, during the procedure, there were at least 4 people around me working. The human cocoon felt a bit crowded, I thought, but I felt so safe and protected.

Years later, when I have embarked on my spiritual quest, this event came to mind when I was pondering on trust. What does it even mean, I wondered. And I had it. We were sent to Earth because we have ninety-nine point something, or even a hundred, percent success rate. If we can see all our angels and spirit guides around us, we would feel it’s crowded, too.

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Here’s the BQH Session Recording video: The Witch · The Men · The Eyes. In the session, my client’s Higher Self delivered a message of trust, too. Enjoy!

Stephanie of TheLovingEnergy.com enjoys playing detective – not the crime solving kind, but the soul story kind. As a BQH facilitator, she delights in piecing together her clients’ past lives and how they weave into the present. In her own life, she’s still investigating which of her mum’s dramatic warnings were true and which were just creative parenting strategies.

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